Dapper Dipper
by The Forest Dog
Summary: Dipper makes a bet with Mabel that won't end well: He has to be polite, gentlemanly, and well dressed for a whole day. Did I mention he has to talk in that weird fancy way, too? Sounds pretty easy, but this is Dipper we're talking about. He's going to regret this.


**I've been coming up with new one-shot ideas all the time... I know I should be working on my multi-chapter stories, but I can't help myself. I don't know how I can up with this, or _why_, but I did.**

**This takes place a few days before Weirdmageddon. I honestly had a lot of fun writing this, because it was just stupidly fun to think and write about.**

**I think I spent _way _more time on this than I should've... whatever. It was fun to write. I have _no _regrets.**

**Also, there will be a considerable amount of perspective changing in this story. I also took a few liberties with this... I warned you.**

**I don't own _Gravity Falls_.**

_Dapper Dipper_

Dipper sighed. "I don't know Mabel... what else can we do?"

Mabel shrugged. "I don't know..."

The two twins were sitting on the edge of their beds, sighing. It was early in the morning, and the two were wide awake. They had been trying to think of some things they could do in Gravity Falls before the summer ended. Suddenly, Mabel got to her feet with a smile.

"I know! How about we make a bet?"

Dipper narrowed his eyes. "What _kind _of bet? What're the conditions and what're the stakes?"

Mabel smirked and walked over to Dipper to sit next to him on his own bed. "Well, we all know that you aren't very gentlemanly..."

Dipper rolled his eyes. "As if that wasn't clear already."

Mabel elbowed him in the side playfully. "Just listen, okay? How about, for the _whole _day, _you _have to be polite, gentlemanly, _and _you have to dress nicely. For once. You also have to talk in a silly, fancy way!"

Dipper rolled his eyes, though a grin was plastered on his face. "So in other words, you want me to be your personal servant for today?"

"What, are you a _chicken_?"

Dipper scoffed. "I am _not_! I'll do it. But what're the stakes?"

Mabel rubbed her chin. "How about, if _I _win, you have to watch _all _of the Dream-Boy High movies with me with the volume turned up to the max!"

Dipper groaned. "Really? Is there _anything_ else?"

Mabel grinned. "Nope! Now, what do I have to do if _you_ somehow win?"

Dipper narrowed his eyes in thought. "Hmmmm... I liked Stan's idea of a 'loser shirt'. If I win, you have to knit and wear a sweater that says '**I ****LOST A BET AND GAINED REGRETS**'. And you have to _burn _the picture you have of me in a lamb-costume. Deal?"

Dipper extended his hand. Mabel took it with a grin. "Well, bro-bro, now you have to get dressed for the occasion! I'll give you a few minutes to get ready. But once you leave this room, it's _hellooooo _to Dapper Dipper!"

"...don't call me that. And I have one question... Can I still wear my hat?"

Mabel gave a stupid-looking smirk. "Nope! _And _you have to _show off _your birthmark today!"

"Awwwww, come _on_, Mabel! _Really_?"

Mabel grinned wider. "_Really_. And one more thing: you can't tell anyone that we made this bet. They have to think that you're just being weird today."

Dipper rolled his eyes. "Alright, _fine_."

Then she left Dipper in the room. He sighed. "I guess I'd better get ready..."

•••

Ford was sitting at the kitchen, with a newspaper in one hand and a cup of coffee in another. Stanley was sitting besides him, reading the newspaper as well.

Both of the great-uncles turned their heads as Mabel charged into the room. She had on one of the biggest, widest grin he'd ever seen.

"What's gotten you so excited?" Ford inquired, lifting a brow in curiosity. Mabel bounced up and down.

"Oh, just wait! Oh, here he comes now!"

Mabel turned her head as she, Ford, and Stan heard slow, clicking footsteps. In a few moments, Dipper was standing next to Mabel. Something was _very _off, though.

Instead of his usual vest and t-shirt, Dipper was wearing a black tuxedo with a white undershirt and a black bow-tie. And instead of shorts, he was wearing long black pants. Another difference was that instead of sneakers, he was wearing dress shoes. His hands were covered with white, considerably fancy gloves.

Probably the most questionable thing, though, was that he wasn't wearing his signature hat. And Ford realized, with a jolt, that he wasn't covering his birthmark at all. In fact, his bangs were swept to the side so that it could be clearly seen.

Ford just gaped in confusion at his nephew. The kid looked incredibly uncomfortable, even more so when he gave a small bow.

"Uhh... G-greetings... Great-uncle Ford..." he muttered, his cheeks red with embarrassment. "It's a pleasure to be here on this fine day..."

Mabel was covering her mouth with her hands, trying not to break out into loud laughter. Dipper then straightened and walked away, his face still red. However, Mabel whispered something in his ear when he was passing. Ford could just barely make out the words.

"Be more convincing next time..."

When Dipper was out of earshot, Mabel burst out into laughter. She wiped a tear from under her eye.

"Uhhhh, is anyone gonna explain what just happened?" Stan asked. Ford, however, was speechless. What just occurred was beyond anything he could comprehend.

Mabel finished laughing before she started grinning widely again. "Oh, it's nothing... I just have a _new _brother! He's not Dipper anymore! He's Dapper Dipper!"

She began laughing again, clutching her stomach because apparently, she was laughing _that_ hard.

Ford decided not to ask Mabel any more questions. She obviously wasn't going to answer. It seemed like she was thoroughly enjoying what was happening.

"Riiiiiiiiighhhhht..." Ford drawled. "I'm going to go talk to Dipper..."

"_Dapper _Dipper," Mabel corrected. Ford placed his cup of coffee and his newspaper on the table and headed out of the kitchen.

Ford looked around the housing area of the shack. He couldn't find his great-nephew there, so he opened the door to the gift-shop. What he saw was _not _what he was expecting.

Dipper was standing besides the door that led outside with his gloved hands behind his back. His legs were pushed together, and his posture was straighter than he'd ever seen before. The kid had his eyes opened a bit, and a neutral expression on his face. However, Ford could see the corner of his mouth twitching uncomfortably.

The gift-shop was closed today, so Ford was even more confused. Why was Dipper just _standing _there?"

"Uhhhh... Dipper? What's going on?" he asked tentatively.

Dipper looked up into his great-uncle's eyes, and nervousness glittered in his own. However, his voice was calm and unwavering when he spoke.

"Lady Mabel has requested that I wait for her arrival until she has readied herself to go into town."

Ford opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out. _Did he just say 'Lady Mabel'? What is this kid even saying? I've never heard him talk like this..._

Dipper must've noticed his loss of words, as the neutral expression that had been plastered onto his face faltered a bit, becoming a little redder as his eyes darted to the side.

"Dipper, are you feeling okay?" Ford asked. Once again, Dipper got rid of the embarrassment and nervousness on his face, though the calm expression was _incredibly _forced.

"Why yes, I'm feeling better than I've ever felt before! I do thank you for you concern, however."

Ford shook his head in confusion. He still had _no idea _what was going on.

•••

Dipper restrained himself from telling Ford that he was _not _feeling okay. This whole act of his was so alien to him, and Dipper almost gagged whenever he had to speak.

"Why yes, I'm feeling better than I've ever felt before! I do thank you for your concern, however."

Ford shook his head, probably in confusion. "Dipper, what the _heck _is wrong with you?"

Dipper forced himself to put on a small smile. "There is nothing wrong with me at all. Like I said before, I'm feeling better than I have ever been. My mind is clear of all inhibitions that may have plagued it in the past."

The last sentence was a complete lie. In truth, he felt like an stupid idiot who was embarrassing himself trying to win a bet that he only had a slim chance of winning.

Ford didn't seem to believe a word he said. But before he could ask any more questions, Mabel charged into the gift-shop with Stan following.

"We're going to the diner! Do you wanna come, Grunkle Ford?" Mabel asked with her head tilted. Ford nodded, still casting suspicious glances at Dipper.

Dipper ignored them and pushed the door to the outside open. Then he stood by it to block it from retracting, and so he was holding it. Mabel gave him a goofy smirk as she passed, while Ford and Stan just stared at him, bemused.

Dipper stifled a sigh. Today was going to be a _long _day.

•••

Ford was still in the dark as to the reason of Dipper's strange behavior. He couldn't tell why the kid was acting like this, and half of him felt like he didn't _want _to know why.

He glanced up at the mirror to look at him. Dipper had his still-gloved hands crossed neatly over his lap, and his back was still straight. Ford was used to seeing Dipper slouching, so Ford was even more confused.

They were driving down the road, Stan at the wheel. They drove in relative silence, until Stanley decided to break it.

"Sooooo... uh... What's with the fancy look, kiddo? Are you... okay?" he asked with his eyes looking in Dipper's direction.

Dipper merely gave a small nod of his head. "I assure you, I am perfectly fine. Now, if it is of no inconvenience to you, I request that you not spoil this lovely day with unreasonable worry, Sir."

Stan visibly stiffened with shock, and Ford knew why. _Since when does Dipper call anyone 'Sir'?_

Mabel giggled quietly. Her eyes sparkled with a mixture of amusement, delight, and what looked like the enjoyment of Dipper's strange behavior. Dipper must've noticed, because his cheeks reddened, but only slightly.

Ford turned his eyes back on the road. _What is wrong with him? Why is he acting so weird today?_

Ford received no answers. He looked up as the diner came into view, and as Stan parked the car, he unbuckled his seat-belt and hopped out.

He was surprised to see that Dipper was holding the car-door wide open for Mabel. "We have arrived, Lady Mabel. I thoroughly hope that everything inside is to your liking," he muttered as he did. Mabel hopped out of the car, trying not to break out into laughter again.

Dipper shut the door. And followed the group as they headed towards the diner. A car was about to drive in front of the group, but Dipper calmly stepped forward with one hand behind his back and one raised into the air. The message was clear: Wait.

And so the car waited as Ford, Stan, and Mabel crossed over to the diner. They waited until Dipper lowered his hand and walked back to join the group.

He stepped forwards _again _to hold the door open, all the while with a neutral expression on his face. The group stepped in and Dipper closed the door.

The diner was relatively empty that day. The only people there were the two police officers, and all members of the Corduroy family. Which included Wendy. Ford had a feeling that she would be confused at Dipper's sudden change in behavior, as well.

As the group passed the redhead, she gestured for the two younger twins to come over. While Mabel ran right on ahead, Dipper turned to his great-uncles and dipped his head slightly. 

"Please excuse me for a moment. I will be back in no time at all, I assure you."

And then he walked away, Ford still as clueless as ever.

•••

Wendy knew that Mabel and Dipper were odd people. Everyone did. It was on rare occasions when either of them acted anywhere _close _to normal.

But today, Dipper was _way _stranger than usual. It had taken her a few moments to recognize him, if she was being honest.

Why? Because Dipper was dressed in a tuxedo and a bow-tie. And his hat was missing. More surprising, Dipper's hair was swept aside so that his birthmark was showing.

Wendy knew that Dipper hated having his birthmark showing; he had told her himself. So this instantly confused her. Why was he suddenly _fine _with it showing?

The next thing that unnerved her was the way he greeted her. It wasn't his usual "hey there" or "what's up" or even just "hey". No, instead he literally _bowed_.

"I am pleased to make your acquaintance on this fine day." Then he stood up straight again with his arms folded behind his back.

Mabel had a smile on her face that Wendy thought was too wide to be humanly possible. The girl was obviously trying not to laugh.

If Dipper noticed his sister's struggling not to laugh, he chose to ignore it.

Wendy decided to brush the whole thing off, though she was still bemused. "So, what're you dorks doing?"

"Nothing much. We were just hungry so we came down here. Isn't that right, Dapper Dipper?" she grinned, glancing at her twin.

_Dapper Dipper? _Wendy thought. _Is that a new nickname?_

Dipper bowed his head slightly in agreement with Mabel's words. "Yes, I must admit that it is too splendid a day to stay indoors at the comfort of one's home."

Wendy stared with an open jaw at Dipper. She had no idea what was happening.

"Are you feeling okay, dude?" Wendy asked, having no idea that that was the fourth time that somebody had asked that.

Dipper smiled slightly. "I am of no concern to you, madam. I am as fine as I will ever be, dare I say more than thought possible."

Okay, something was _definitely _wrong. When had Dipper ever called her madam? And when had he started speaking like this?

He didn't give her a chance to ask any more questions, however. He bowed his head slightly. "I apologize, but I must be going. I look forward to running into you again in the future."

Then he turned, still with his hands behind his back, and walked away.

Wendy turned to Mabel with utter confusion on her face. "What was _that _about?"

Mabel shrugged. "Nothing..."

But Wendy knew that she knew more than she was letting on.

•••

Dipper held the door open _again _as the group exited the diner. Part of him was relieved to be leaving, as it was very uncomfortable keeping up his act inside, but part of him was nervous about what would happen next.

Ford had had a _very _confused expression on his face the whole time in the diner. Dipper could still feel his great-uncle's suspicious gaze on him.

They walked only a few feet away from the diner when a car pulled up by the side of it. Dipper _almost _let out a groan of annoyance.

It was a long limousine. It wasn't hard to tell who it belonged to: The Northwests.

_It was already uncomfortable when I had to do this in front of Ford, Stan, and Wendy. Now I have to do it in front of _them _too?_

A man, probably the butler, stepped out of the car and held the door open for Preston Northwest.

_Yeesh, did I really look like _that _when I was holding the door all those times? Maybe I can find a memory gun to erase Ford and Stan's memories about this whole thing later..._

Preston instantly saw the Pines family, as he was standing only a few feet away. His eyes narrowed in disgust as he gazed at them. Only when he glanced at Dipper did his expression lift a bit.

_Oh please no... Don't talk to me... Please doooooonnnnn't..._

His silent pleas were ignored.

"Hmmmm... I don't know how you could afford a servant."

_Really? You think I'm a servant? This guy is so dumb he doesn't even recognize me. _Dipper resisted the urge to slap Preston in the face. He wanted to, but Mabel was still watching, and he couldn't risk losing the bet.

Dipper, _again_, forced a small smile onto his face. He didn't know _how _he didn't throw up as he greeted him.

"Pleased to make your acquaintance on this fine day..."

Preston lifted a brow. Then he dug into his pocket to pull out a couple of one-hundred-dollar bills.

"How much?" he asked.

Ford crossed his arms and tilted his head in confusion. "How much for _what_...?"

Preston gave off an infuriatingly snooty laugh. "Why, for your servant, of course."

Alarm bells started going off in Dipper's head. _Ohhhh nooooo... No no no no no no no no no... _

Dipper forced himself to keep his calm composure on the outside, though.

Ford looked utterly baffled by Preston's question. "H-he's not our s-"

Preston ignored Ford. He only placed a one-hundred-dollar bill in Ford's hands, and snapped. Preston's butler grabbed Dipper by his wrists in his vice-like grip.

_Oh gosh, oh no no no no no no nooooo..._

•••

Pacifica didn't care too much when her father said he was leaving on some "business errand". However, she wasn't expecting him to come back with a kid.

At first, Pacifica couldn't tell who it was. He looked familiar, but he was so well dressed...

And then Pacifica realized with a jolt that it was _Dipper_. _What's he doing here?_

It was clear to her that he didn't come on his own accord. One of the Northwests' butlers was practically dragging him through the manor. Though most of his face seemed neutral, his eyes were bright with unease.

"Pacifica, darling," Preston called. "I've got a gift for you."

Pacifica's breath caught in her throat. _Did he _seriously _just kidnap Dipper and bring him here...? Oh gosh, what is even happening right now..._

Pacifica and Dipper stared at each other, Pacifica with confusion and Dipper with panic. Pacifica was left even more baffled when Dipper bowed to her, and greeted her quietly, with only the slightest trace of panic in his tone.

"I'm humbled to be in your presence this evening."

Then Dipper straightened, the corner of his mouth twitching uncomfortably. Preston looked particularly pleased at the display.

"Do whatever you wish with him," Preston told her with a wave of his hand. Then he and his butler walked away. The moment they were out of earshot, Pacifica grabbed Dipper by his shoulders and shook him.

"What the _heck _is going on here!?" she hissed. Dipper glanced around to make sure nobody could see or hear him, before he sighed in momentary relief.

"Look, I hardly understand what's going on... Your father basically just kidnapped me," he whispered.

"But why were you acting so _weird_? Why were you talking weird, why are you dressed weird, and _what the heck is that on your forehead_?"

Dipper flinched slightly. "It's just my birthmark. As for the rest, I'm not supposed to tell anyone, but I made a bet with Mabel."

Pacifica raised a brow. "What kind of bet?"

Dipper sighed in exasperation. "She basically said that I had to be her personal servant for the day. And then Preston literally _bought me_!"

Dipper growled the last two words with his head shaking. He lifted his head when he heard footsteps. Pacifica looked, too.

Preston came back. As soon as Dipper saw him, he straightened again, folded his arms behind his back, and put on a neutral expression that was only betrayed by the apprehension that flitted in his eyes.

"Pacifica darling, I must be leaving again," Preston said. Pacifica nodded, still not over the shock of what had previously happened.

Once again, when Preston left, Pacifica turned to Dipper. "Did you say that he _bought you_?"

Dipper nodded grimly. "He shoved his money in my great-uncle's hands and pulled me into his car."

Pacifica groaned. "I should've known he would do something like this at _some _point..."

"Look, Pacifica, I need to get _out _of here... Any ideas?"

Pacifica thought for a moment. "Well, we could try just _leaving_, but we might run into one of the butlers or one of the guards or something."

Dipper sighed. "That's what I was afraid of. I don't think we have any other options, though..."

"Then let's go."

Dipper nodded slowly. "Alright, but I'm going to be doing that weird 'servant act' the whole time we're walking... I don't want anyone coming around the corner or surprising us."

Pacifica nodded slightly. She saw his reasoning, but she still felt weird with Dipper acting like a servant.

As they set off, Dipper folded his arms behind his back again and drained his expression of emotion. Even his eyes didn't seem panicked anymore.

They went a short distance before they ran into one of the guards that patrolled the halls. The guard narrowed his eyes in suspicion as he gazed at Dipper.

"Who's this?" he grunted. Pacifica didn't know how to explain, but luckily, she didn't need to.

"I am just a humbled servant to the Northwests. I assure you, my presence is not to be concerned of."

The guard glanced at Pacifica as if asking for confirmation. She nodded wordlessly.

"Eh, fine. But if you make on wrong move I'll snap you in half," he growled, staring at Dipper with narrowed eyes.

Dipper didn't even flinch. He merely gave a slight nod of his head. "I don't doubt that you would, but I can guarantee that I will be of no inconvenience to you."

The guard nodded and let them pass. Pacifica sighed in relief and turned to Dipper.

"Where did you learn to speak like that?" she whispered.

"I have literally no idea," Dipper replied in a whisper. Pacifica rolled her eyes.

"Of _course_ you don't..."

•••

Mabel had just wanted the day to be fun. She thought her little bet with Dipper would be nothing but entertaining.

She didn't know that Dipper would've been taken away by Preston.

_He just kidnapped my bro! And Preston has some nerve 'buying' Dipper. Dip-Dip's not an object!_

Ford, Stan, and Mabel were in the car, all of them confused and angered. They were driving up the hill to the Northwest's mansion. Their car was somehow slower than the limousine, so they lost sight of it after a while.

It took many minutes before they arrived atop the hill. Mabel bolted out of the car the moment it stopped and stood in front of the gate that led to the mansion.

She could see the limousine on the other side of the gate. It looked like it had been there for a few minutes.

_Is Dipping-Sauce already inside? Oh gosh, why did I have to make this bet!?_

Mabel rattled the gate. "LET ME IN, YOU DUMB RICH-PEOPLE! NOBODY TAKES MY BRO!"

There was no reply, and Mabel sighed.

Ford placed a hand on her shoulder. "I don't think screaming is the way to get in..."

"Yeah! We should break in!" Stanley exclaimed.

"Stanley, no, that's not a good idea-"

"It's perfect!" Mabel interrupted. She pulled out her signature grappling hook and shot it at the top of the gate. It hooked onto the top.

She grinned widely and tugged to make sure it was on securely. Then she turned to Ford, who was shaking his head.

"You are _definitely _related to Stanley," he grumbled.

Mabel rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Who's going over first?"

•••

Dipper groaned to himself. After they passed the guard, they had passed two more people. Each encounter was so rage-inducing, Dipper was surprised he didn't slap anyone he met.

"Pacifica, why is this place so big? It shouldn't take ten minutes to find an exit."

Pacifica shrugged. "I guess my parents just enjoy inconvenience."

Dipper rolled his eyes. "You don't say."

They continued walking down the halls. Dipper reverted back to his neutral expression, though his eyes flashed with slight relief as they came to a large door.

"That's the way out," Pacifica let out a sigh of relief. Dipper's shoulders sagged slightly. He just wanted this day to end.

He straightened again and pushed the door open. Then he held it, just in case anyone was watching. He shut the door when Pacifica came out.

Dipper turned to look at the gate, when he saw something climbing over it.

"Wait... Is that Mabel?" he asked, shielding his eyes from the sun. Sure enough, it _was _Mabel.

"Is she climbing over the fence?" Pacifica gasped. "This day is so _weird_!"

Dipper rolled his eyes with a groan. "Tell me about it."

Mabel must have seen them, because as she sat at the top of the fence, she waved. "Is that you, bro-bro?"

Dipper cupped his hands around his mouth. "Yeah, I'm coming."

•••

Dipper stifled a groan. "Oh come on, Mabel. Do I _have _to watch it?"

Mabel rolled her eyes. "It could be worse. I'm only making you watch _one _of the Dream-Boy High movies."

"You're still going to burn the photo though, right?"

"A deal's a deal."

It was the day after the bet. Because everything got a little... _crazy_... at the end of the bet, Mabel and Dipper compromised: Dipper only had to watch _one _movie, and Mabel would burn the photo.

They had also told their great-uncles about the bet. Both of them were still a bit confused; Ford wanted to know why Dipper even agreed to the bet, to which Dipper just shrugged.

As the movie started, Dipper flinched away from the loud, infuriating music that played in the background.

"This is worse than death itself. Worse. Than. _Death_."

Mabel gave Dipper a smug glance. "That's not very nice," she pouted. "You know, I haven't burned the photo _yet_... I still have enough time to show it to Ford..."

"Fine, I'll shut up. Just burn the photo."

"Alright, Dipper. Alright."


End file.
